As I arrive back into Notting Hill blissfully happy, and yes a little smug, having left the country in time to dodge the traffic on the M40, looking forward to having my Sunday evening at home without any intrusion, to just quietly chill and do all those Sunday night things like…eating rice crackers (still off the wheat, praying for those pearly gates) spread with an inch of Nutella, delicious ( yes, am sure there is some contradiction in there..Like maybe the Nutella cancels out the ‘no wheat’ good deededness…I just don’t want to know) or painting my nails in my new turquoise nail polish, tirelessly selected by myself and Kyla (if anyone wants blue, green or turquoise nail advice we are the ones to come to, we spent 3 hours in Westfield and know the ins and outs, ups and downs of everyone’s version from YSL to No7)…So I go to turn off the Shepherds Bush roundabout and the road is closed. It takes 35 minutes to get half a mile, and just as I am about to turn onto my street a million sirens come up behind me (I immediately pullover, turn my engine off and go to put on my best ‘little girl lost’ eyes. I know the drill by now, but they drive right passed me!) police cars, ambulances, fire engines you name it… It looks like the whole of N.H. is under siege; I keep expecting to see Bruce Williams coming out covered in blood. I eventually get close enough to my house to park, and wait around for the dishiest fireman I can find who tells me “ it’s a chemical spillage “Wow I think, I must live next door to another member of the Al-Qaeda who are making bombs in their basement -again, oh well at least its not actually in my block this time” (the July 7 bombers actually lived a couple of doors down from our last place!) But as I get into the throngs of the crowd the whole story comes out…Turns out some yummy mummy has broken her babies thermometer! I am sorry but is that really a chemical explosion? And if so I have been involved in chemical warfare since I was a child…we used to brake mums thermometer on purpose so we could play with the silver stuff inside (aka mercury or if you live in NH highly toxic, killer, chemicals!) or perhaps I should have a police presence when applying my new blue nails, I am sure it involves more chemicals then a bloody baby thermometer…I am sorry if I sound like a grumpy old man, or worse Lily Allen…what is wrong with that girl?! I read an article on her this morning in one of the Sunday papers, anyone would think she had been beaten and tied to a tree for the last 3 years -Not gallivanting around, a world wide super star, earning millions of pounds jetting round the world modelling for channel whilst being paid and adored to sing out her family therapy sessions….(I actually love Lilly- when she sings not opinonates). God I have turned into a moaning old bag….am gonna start carrying an umbrella and talking about the Great War soon……thank god I am off to spend some time amongst the prozacked, upper induced positivity of the USA…am tres excited to be in the NYC shooting my movie, fall in NYC has got to be the bestest time/place combo…what with giving birth to CLONES at the same time…I cant think of anything better…hmmmm maybe Nutella on ricecakes…xxx
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