Who stole my hangover?!

Feel like I am having far too much fun to be feeling as good as I do. I have been surviving on an average of 3 hours sleep a night, every morning as I wake up I pause to feel the weight of my decadence hit me…but it doesn’t. I have somehow side stepped hangovers and lack of sleep grogs…maybe I am OLD!!!! As a kid I remember wondering how my mum would get up so early every morning without fail and seem to feel fine…don’t they say…you sleep less as you get closer to the grave…(not that you are mum!) maybe I am dying, maybe that’s why I feel so good!

I left work at 3am last Friday and caught the 7am flight to Miami for fabadoo sleep over at the new Miami Beach House…knowing I only had 18 hours to enjoy the decadence I felt it imperative to not loose a moment…so the fabulous C and I started on the Margaretta's the moment we arrived. We dragged our Margarita glasses thru the House from the Cowshed to the beach and up to the pool deck, till we rolled into our room to prepare for dinner, having had a quick mani pedi and blow dry on the way. During pre dinner prep we called the ingenious invention of Nick’s ‘One While Changing’ (cocktail barman with full trolley to your bedroom!) slipped into a cocktail dress and down to Cicconis for scrumptious meal and then hit the dance floor. Yes, literally in my case, fell smack bag onto my back off my 5inch platforms, luckily I was anesthetized by that point, wasn’t till the beach next morning, after my Grumpy Cow wake up massage in the cowshed, that someone pointed out my shoulder was rather badly damaged, ah for war wounds. 'Always make me feel like I musta had a great night! I then dragged myself away from the rest of my motley crew nursing themselves on the beach, preparing for hog roast lunch with bloody marys, and caught the 4pm back to JFK to arrive in the Hamptons in time to grab a few hours before being on set for 5am….wrapped at 7pm in time to hot foot it over to my darlingest friends B&H for home cooked dinner in their Hamptons home, where we ate drank and were very merry!!! Where is my hangover???I have been robbed! Has it been stolen away by age and maturity….seeing as i am obviously acting so mature these days! Rxxx

Attack of the Pumpkins

Forgive me Cyberspace for I have sinned…it has been over 2 weeks since my last blog and all my followers, yes all 28 of them are feeling neglected and anxious for news on my exploits, intelligent banter and insightful comments on society and the world at large…at least in my dreams!

Hey Guys, I am here in New Jersey starting my second week of shooting, I have an old stocking over my head with 50 bobbi pins stuck into my scalp and a dead rat sitting on top (in other words a wig) imagine what it feels like having your head clamped into a vice 14 hours a day and you get close…at least it makes all the crying I have to do in this film easy, they are tears of sweet pain…other than that all is jolly…I have had sex with a bear, given birth to a clone and killed my own baby…all in days work eh!

NJ is so American its hilarious, I walk around thinking I am in a movie, which I am, but I mean when I am not in the movie…if you know what I mean…the leaves are all golden and red, there are white picket fences everywhere, the local bank is in a white wooden house and the church is the size of a shopping mall…And there are pumpkins everywhere, in everything…pumpkin pie, pumpkin soup, pumpkin salad, we had pumpkin bloody gnocchi for lunch. i don’t have the heart to tell them I hate pumpkin! The problem I find with pumpkins is they just cant make up their mind if they are sweet or savory (did you know that they have no idea what savory means here? I keep asking for savory snacks and the poor 3^rd assistant doesn’t dare tell me he has no idea what I am talking about so brings me more chocolate, I of course don’t want to offend him so am having to eat an awful lot of M&M’s) anyway I just cant get on with a vegetable that doesn’t know if it’s a vegetable or a fruit, just make up your mind already, be in a pie or in a curry, you cant be in both! And that’s not even mentioning the fact that they have faces carved in them and are put on every available surface…enough with the bloody pumpkins please! Sorry, I think the bobbi pins are digging so deeply into my head its affecting my brain…or what little is left of it…oops am being called..laters.Rxxx

rare diseases, lollipop sticks and the general down fall of womenkind

Went to see Dr Katz “Physician To The Stars” or just ‘the Dr that signs the insurance papers”, however you wanna put it really. I sit there in his sweltering lobby in 30 degrees of smog, filling out 50 pages of medical history. Forms always make me feel like I am lying ’I MUST have some rare genetic decease that is gonna kill me, cause there are just so many of them… I mean what the hell is Celiac disease? It sounds like a vegetable! (By that I mean a fruit like vegetable, not like people that have Celiac decease are vegetables, of course they might be cause I have no idea what it is, I mean I may have it myself, I may be vegetablizing as I write) anyway the answer to all these questions cant be NO, surely…Am I lying? Am I dying? Or just loosing my marbles in this heat….?

I suddenly get a cool waft of air and look up to see a very stern looking (slightly over weight for a health preacher in my opinion!) Dr, saying “Ms Fellner?” I follow him into his beautiful, air conditioned office (typical he lets his dying patients swelter whilst he luxuriates in the cool air or it could just be broken, am not sure at this point paranoia has set in too deep) I perch on the edge of a chair nervously waiting for him to scream at me “LIAR, You know you are dying” as he calmly flips thru my forms. After what seems like an insufferable length of time he looks me strait in the eye and says “Why do women think just cause they see a gyno they are healthy?” I am so confused I am speechless…Am I dying? Does he know something I don’t? Is it a trick question and I am gonna fail the medical and not be insured if I get the answer wrong? I tentatively say..”erm…I don’t know???? He then preaches for a good 10mins on the downfall of women kind and their failings in the health check department and how they are lazy and ignorant about how to take care of themselves …he suddenly stops looks back up at me and says “So, when was your last full medical assessment?”….At which point I start stuttering and babbling about things being maybe…erm different in the uk…? He stops me short and says “Bottom line? When were your bloods last taken?...I.. erm..I..I..i just couldn’t remember under the pressure! He finally gives up on the questions cause he knows and I know, I have already failed him, in so many ways, manly by just being a women, and any answer I do come up with is gonna be unsatisfactory and a plight on his male intelligence. He says “Never mind, I have often diagnosed many an unknown, life threatening problem in my medical examinations here” as he ushers me towards the examining table. Oh God I think, this is it, I am gonna die before I even get to start my new job…he then sits me on the table, puts a lollipop stick in my mouth, shines a torch in my ear, takes my blood pressure and job done- full bill of health in 30 seconds!!!!!